Well At Least I'm Not Crazy

Last night I went over to a friend's house to catch up and watch a movie. He and his roommate suggested a French movie called "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" (it's different in French, but we're just going to stick with the English translation for now.

                                                    

What a crazy crazy movie! It starts off telling the love story from her perspective, with her being the mistress of a doctor and how they have to work around his wife. Well, about halfway through, the perspective changes to his, and you realize that she has invented their whole affair in her mind and he never even really spoke to her. She read into every little communication they had and changed it to fit the crazy ideas she had in her mind. Some of the stuff she did was absolutely crazy, I can't even believe it.

As bizarre and freaky as this movie was, watching it did make me feel a little validated. Yes I may fantasize about being with a crush or dream about being in a relationship, but I have never taken it too far. Phew! At least I have never tried to ruin a marriage in the hopes of being with a man who I really haven't had a conversation with.

And So It Begins...

There are few things that provide a more difficult wake-up call about your life than a baby shower in which you are the only one not married/beginning a family. Between the moments of "how are THEY so far ahead of me?! I went to college! I did all the things!" and "they found boys?! How on earth did they find boys they liked enough to marry?" was a gut-wrenchingly empty feeling of failure.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think my college degree is a failure. I loved my time in school, and I loved everything I learned. But, as much as I love my certificate, it's not very cuddly when it gets cold outside.

So, I left the shower. I left the shower and took Madchen for a walk. We walked, and I raced to the canal, determined to get off the main streets before I started to cry.

As we walked down the path, I had my little pity mope fest where I cursed the universe and all my bad dating luck. Madchen, being the independent old lady dog that she is, likes to do her own thing  and spent most of her time aimlessly wandering around the canal road. Occasionally I would turn back to wait for her, just to make sure she was still coming while reassuring myself that I wasn't alone.

I watched her meander along the path, sniffing things hear and there, and she looked SO happy. Her tail wagged and wagged as we walked, and she was totally content. She has arthritic hips and fatty tumors all over, but she was perfectly happy to be out on a walk.

That's when I realized what I need to change. As hard as my situation seems to be sometimes, and as much as I want everything to be different, there are so many reasons to be happy. This life IS good, and I'm determined to prove it to myself.